Definition.

I was asked to prepare a single paragraph introducing myself and describing who I am. I wrote the paragraph easily and continuted on to other assignments for that class. Later, it struck me. Not once did I mention my belief and dependence on God. Not once did I mention that I was a Christian. This meant that I did not see this as an aspect that defines who I am as a person. BUT HELLO. The whole point of my life is to please him and fulfill the purpose he has set for me. I am nothing without him. And somehow I found other things that came before Him, when describing myself. So God, please help me to see clearly how you define me and my life. Help me to never put my belief in you on a back burner. My next goal is to really make it a real definition in my life.

Molding together my passions.

As a child we have so many dreams, wishes, and hopes for our future. We know exactly what we want to do and how we want to do it. We could spend all day listing the things we want to accomplish. Every single one of our goals seem reachable. But now, as I stand in this crossroads I have to choose. I have to decide which dream is priority. Which hope is more important. Because all of my dreams can't come true, can they?I want to be a mom, I want to have kids, I want to teach, and I want to dance. Two of these passions conflict...teaching little children, and dancing my heart out. Yes I could teach dance...but that isn't the same as letting myself perform at a professional level. However, my heart is broken as it realizes I can't have both. I must choose what is best for my future, my family's future, and my well-being. But wait, if my heart is missing out on using my passion for dancing, am I really doing what's best for me? Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt in my mind that I want to be a dedicated teacher for so many young children and I can't wait to be a teacher. I just wish I could do both. And maybe I can....that'll be my new dream, wish, and hope! To accomplish both moving souls with dance and impacting children with teaching. Here goes nothing.

Knowing and believing.

I'm learning that there is a difference between knowing and believing. I know that God loves me...but do I believe that God loves me? I know God exists...but do I truely believe it? I know it's okay not to be perfect...but I sure don't believe it. Knowing is the recognition of something to be true. Believing is accepting it with your heart and contributing it to your lifestyle. One cannot believe something without knowing it; however, one can know something yet not believe it. So how do we connect the two? It's not easy and I can't seem to find a formula. It is indeed a process. The bridge from knowing to believing is one that I'm struggling to cross but I'm taking it one step at at time. Once I reach the other side, I'll elaborate. Because for now, I believe there is a difference but I don't know how to connect them.

A few things to ponder.

• Speak in anger and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
• We must embrace pain and use it as fuel for our journey.
• Don't begin taking down walls until you know why you put them up.
• Strength doesn't come until you realize your weakness.

Running into empty space.

Why is it when I'm lost, I tend to run faster? I don't know where I'm supposed to go or what I'm supposed to do, yet I run quickly away. What I really need to do is completely stop. And think. And listen. And breathe. But it seems so much easier to run, to not think, to tune out, and to hold my breath. WHY?

Wonders of the heart.

The heart is a wonderous, mysterious, and powerful thing. It is the home of love, passion, decisions, hopes, and fears. It is where God placed his Holy Spirit for a reason. He picked the most vulerable, yet strongest place to live within us. A heart can be broken very easily, but it can never be destroyed. It can be damaged many times, but it has the ability to heal everytime. I'm just so dumbfounded by this power. Your eyes can be blind, your ears unable to hear, your mouth mute, your mind unable to think clearly....but your heart can never be kept from loving. The heart is our core. It guides everything we do. If we don't listen to our heart, we can't truly move forward. I'm so thankful for God's purposful placement inside my heart. There is no better place.

Help.

I'm scared. Scared of not having enough strength. Scared of not pleasing God, others, or myself. Scared of failing. Scared of ending up alone. Scared of not being good enough. Scared of not being loved. Scared of not finding fulfillment in the right places. Scared of losing who I am. I can only be so strong for so long. Please help me God.