Bittersweet moment of a lifetime.

Last weekend was my first fall retreat. It was so great to get away from things in a crazy life and recoup. I loved getting closer to people in my youth group. I'm so thankful to have these people in my life; and I'm honestly not sure where in the world I would be without them. The bonfire we had on Saturday will be a moment I will keep with me forever though. It was bittersweet. At the beginning of the trip we were asked to write a word on a block that was beginning to define us. The word I picked was unloved. I know this sounds crazy, but when thats the message you recieve, its a hard one to just forget about. The night of the bonfire, we were walking in silence so we could just listen to God. However, I was getting really frustrated when I couldn't seem to manage to make any connection with him. I felt blocked. By the time we were sitting around the fire, still in silence, I was still having trouble reaching God. But then as I looked up at the fire, I saw a father hugging his daughter to comfort her as she was crying. And at the moment, I literally lost control and my emotions were released completely. That image was one that hit me hard. Every tense part of me was broken as I cried in hurt. And then it struck me. That image of a father holding his daughter in pain, was God holding me. He was telling me, "I love you. I have more love for you than you'll ever need. I can give you the love you don't recieve there. You don't need that love; because I will never stop giving you all of mine. You are my daughter, and I am your daddy." When that moment hit, I found the connection that I couldn't find before; which showed me that I am closest to God in moments of hurt. When I need him most he reminds me he is always there. The struggle I'm going through is what is bringing me closer to him. This is how I create my relationship with him. By realizing I can't live without it. So God, thank you for showing me that I am always yours, especially in my weakest moments. And thank you for giving me an image of a lifetime. I love you.

The little white flower.

On the far side of the meadow lies an early bloomed white flower. So out of place, yet so beautiful. So pure, yet so alone. Throughout the season, the white flower begins to fade. It's petals are plucked, and when they grow back they just aren't the same. The little white flower was loosing its glow. It was trying its hardest to stay standing up so it could portray the beauty it was created to. But feeling out of place, the purity of the little white flower was lost. As the weather begins to get colder, the little white flower must die down with all the others. It goes down feeling a failure for being weak and allowing outside forces to change it. However, the white flower remembers this was one season in its life; and there are many more to come. Seasons of success, happiness, purity, and healing. This season of weakness, when gotten through, will bring strength to carry on into other seasons. So little white flower, as you rest and wait for your time to bloom again, prepare yourself to start new next season.