Bittersweet moment of a lifetime.

Last weekend was my first fall retreat. It was so great to get away from things in a crazy life and recoup. I loved getting closer to people in my youth group. I'm so thankful to have these people in my life; and I'm honestly not sure where in the world I would be without them. The bonfire we had on Saturday will be a moment I will keep with me forever though. It was bittersweet. At the beginning of the trip we were asked to write a word on a block that was beginning to define us. The word I picked was unloved. I know this sounds crazy, but when thats the message you recieve, its a hard one to just forget about. The night of the bonfire, we were walking in silence so we could just listen to God. However, I was getting really frustrated when I couldn't seem to manage to make any connection with him. I felt blocked. By the time we were sitting around the fire, still in silence, I was still having trouble reaching God. But then as I looked up at the fire, I saw a father hugging his daughter to comfort her as she was crying. And at the moment, I literally lost control and my emotions were released completely. That image was one that hit me hard. Every tense part of me was broken as I cried in hurt. And then it struck me. That image of a father holding his daughter in pain, was God holding me. He was telling me, "I love you. I have more love for you than you'll ever need. I can give you the love you don't recieve there. You don't need that love; because I will never stop giving you all of mine. You are my daughter, and I am your daddy." When that moment hit, I found the connection that I couldn't find before; which showed me that I am closest to God in moments of hurt. When I need him most he reminds me he is always there. The struggle I'm going through is what is bringing me closer to him. This is how I create my relationship with him. By realizing I can't live without it. So God, thank you for showing me that I am always yours, especially in my weakest moments. And thank you for giving me an image of a lifetime. I love you.