Sometimes I feel like two different people. My heart and mind are in separate places. My broken peices are affecting my whole ones. I'm conflicting and colliding with myself. I need God now, more than I ever have. Independence is in my view and I must be strong in where I stand before I cross that road. I need to want him and I want to need him. It's more than just knowing who God is, its now about knowing who I am through God in me; because I am nothing without him. If I allow God to live within me and shine through me; rather than have him merely walk next me, He can fill every empty place that I have inside. Why would I even want to live any part of my life without Him?? I want God to be alive and evident in every aspect of my thoughts, actions, and decisions. I don't want to displease or disappoint him. I didn't always understand the true meaning of surrending my life to him; but this is exactly what it is. And it's an easy thing to do when I realize that He is an absolute necessity in my life if I plan on remaining sane. He is my utter dependence.
I can say these words and truely believe in them. But why is it sometimes so hard to live them?? I don't get it. I want so much to live them everyday, yet I still fall back and make the same mistakes. So my prayer is not only to know, but to live. And not only to see, but to feel. And not only to hope, but to fulfull.
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1 comment:
wow, these are great and powerful words.
i feel very much the same way
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