Only you.

The strings have pulled and tugged. My heart is now wide open, vulnerable, and afraid. But my heart is all yours and it lies in your hand. You'll protect it and heal it. You're teaching me to lean on you with complete trust. I may fall, but your arms will catch me everytime. You're teaching me what truely matters. I rest in your peace, confident in the fact that you know my plan and purpose. I am not alone because every single step I take, you are taking with me. You didn't promise a life without struggles. Instead, you promised a life with an abundance of your love. And once we have that, we don't need anything else. True happiness comes only through living in you. Help me to do just that. I want you to be my everything. Each time I get stuck, give me a push in the right direction. Each time I stumble, remind me of the reason why I'm here. That reason is you, and only you.

Letter from Peace.

I hear your cries and I feel your pain. We used to be close and tightly knit but I was stolen from you. You've pleaded for my return but I'm unable to come. I deeply wish I could be there with you. I lived off your smiles, laughs, and moments of embrace. I'm straining against the boundaries that are keeping me away. One day I will be free. At that moment I'll wrap my arms tightly around you and never let go. There is one who cares and one who knows our bond. He will bring us back together in due time. He's waiting for the most ideal moment. The boundaries will be lifted and we can smile, laugh, and embrace once again. His plan is perfect so stay strong. My time of absense won't last. He told me everything will be okay. It's his promise.

Always Yours,
Peace

Essay on Sin.

Sin is something ever human being is prone to. It is something that is constantly lurking around our society as well as within our personal being. Universally, there are many actions of which we are aware are unethical. When we understand the difference between right and wrong and knowingly commit a wrong action; we are committing sin. However, there are many exceptions to this concept; and there are many factors that play a part in the nature of sin.

There are some cases in which a sinful action is committed, yet the purpose wasn't intentionally to stray from the right direction. The wrong that was committed was accidental. Can we still consider this a sin when it was unintentional? Sin can either be the action itself, or the purpose and intention behind it.

When we look at our society today, there are many things happening around us that many of us would consider sin. Yet, there may be a difference between a sinful act and an evil act. An individual may not be breaking the law for example, but they could still be committing an action that is evil and unconventional. So where is the line drawn between evil and sin? We could turn to the laws to find our answer; or we could read into our conscious.

The nature of sin is a big concept. However, sin is not only a nature, but also a choice. A choice every individual chooses to make. But then again, can we escape choosing sin. The idea of sin being both a nature and a choice is conflicting. Despite our nature as a human being to sin, we still hold the control of our actions. Therefore, when we do commit a sin the choice of our action is what we are punished for.

One factor that plays an important role in the nature of sin is punishment. If there were no consequences for our actions, some poeple would think there is no point to do the right thing. There would be no limitations and no rewards for making the right choice. Punishment sets a bar for a civil society where sin can be monitored and kept under control. However, sin can always find a way to push around the rules. The moment a person is caught doing something illegal is the moment they are usually sorry and regretful. However, that remorseis not present until they are caught being sinful. In such cases, the choice of sin dominates the nature of sin. Another factor that plays a role in the nature of sin is guilt. Sometimes poeple can truly feel remorse for a sinful nature, simply by their own conscious. In those cases, we see the nature of sin can sometimes overrule the choice of sin.

So what is sin? Sin is an action that occurs when choice and nature collide. Sin can be an act of pure evilness or just an honest mistake. Sin is crossing the bar that our conscious creates for us. Sin is breaking the law the society has made for what is considered ethical. Sin is not something that we can keep from happening; yet we can control the extent of it.

Takes more than believing.

Sometimes I feel like two different people. My heart and mind are in separate places. My broken peices are affecting my whole ones. I'm conflicting and colliding with myself. I need God now, more than I ever have. Independence is in my view and I must be strong in where I stand before I cross that road. I need to want him and I want to need him. It's more than just knowing who God is, its now about knowing who I am through God in me; because I am nothing without him. If I allow God to live within me and shine through me; rather than have him merely walk next me, He can fill every empty place that I have inside. Why would I even want to live any part of my life without Him?? I want God to be alive and evident in every aspect of my thoughts, actions, and decisions. I don't want to displease or disappoint him. I didn't always understand the true meaning of surrending my life to him; but this is exactly what it is. And it's an easy thing to do when I realize that He is an absolute necessity in my life if I plan on remaining sane. He is my utter dependence.

I can say these words and truely believe in them. But why is it sometimes so hard to live them?? I don't get it. I want so much to live them everyday, yet I still fall back and make the same mistakes. So my prayer is not only to know, but to live. And not only to see, but to feel. And not only to hope, but to fulfull.

This is why I dance.

At first the music is merely a range of notes infused together.
It flows by your ear and you become a piece of the music.
Your mind releases each one of it's thoughts and worries.
The only purpose at that moment is to let go of absolutely everything and dance.
Suddenly you have no boundaries, expectations, or dead lines.
There is no sense of time controlling your next decision.
All that matters is the constant movement your body envisions and brings to life.
Every emotion is allowed to be exposed.
You feel your heart openly expressing itself, knowing it's safe to let down it's walls.
You can choose to feel the promising support of the floor.
Or you can choose to fly and feel nothing but the oxygen swirling around you.
Grace surrounds every movement, and joy follows every breath.
You are present in only one world...a world of freedom.
And that is why I dance.

Short-lived moments.

Certain happy moments are hard to endure.
The reality of the moment tries to overlap the underlying pain.
These rare moments create flashbacks to a lost acceptance.
They re-open the cut and remind you of how it should be.
They're hard because it emphasizes the relationship that is deeply desired.
A laugh, rarely shared, is deafining.
They're the definition of bittersweet.
Because deep down I know the clear sky won't last.
And before I know it, the storm hovers over once again.
So what am I to do in these misleading happy moments?
Do I enjoy the short lived, yet false, moment of effort?
Or do I only focus on the true underlying struggles between the barrier?
In my young eyes, the best thing to do is remain guarded to protect myself in these moments.
But at the same time, live out the moment to ensure I'm doing everything in my power to hold on.

Natural nature.

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing in front of a tidal wave; and all I can do is stare at what's coming.
Other times I feel like I'm riding the tidal wave; and have no where else to go but where it decides to take me.
Sometimes the sand beneath my feet is soft yet supportive.
And other times it seems like a pool of sinking sand.
Sometimes the sun is facing me; so all I can do is walk into the warmth with my eyes closed.
But other times the sun is behind me; creating a light for my walk ahead.
Sometimes the breeze is just what I need to blow away my nerves.
While other times it's just sweeping away my structure.
Sometimes the shade of the tree creates a blanket of protection and promise.
And other times the shade creates a burden of restriction.
Essentially, these factors of nature are stable and unchanging.
It's the position of myself that controls the outcome and status of each situation.
I don't have control of nature; however I do hold control of where I stand in the middle of it.
These variables of nature won't ever alter.
But the graph of my "storm" will become consistant when I stand in the midst of it all, knowing I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Like music.

As a dancer, when I listen to music I try to imagine the feel and movement of it. Making every rhythm and note come alive. The other night when I was having trouble sleeping, I put on music and literally tried to let the soft tone of it put me to sleep. But instead that just got me thinking about how much any style of music will get an immediate reaction out of us. Upbeat music makes you just want to start dancing, while slow music makes you relax. While every genre in between those ignite a certain emotion or response right away. And all this made me wonder why the Holy Spirit can't always be so obvious to us? We need to able to hear him right away and react with an appropriate response. We need to be able to feel every movement and message the Holy Spirit has. It needs to be like music to us. We have to allow ourself to become one with the Holy Spirit, just as we like to become one with music.

Faithfully.

The other day I came across letters I wrote to my future husband a couple years ago. Within those were lyrics to a song that I wrote down. These really reminded me of where my heart needs to be and what I should be striving for. I thought some of you would enjoy this as well.

Tonight I saw shooting star.
Made me wonder where you are.
For years I have been dreaming of you.
And I wonder if you're thinking of me, too.

In this world of cheap romance.
And love that only fades after the dance.
They say I'm a fool to wait for something more.
How can I really love somone I've never seen before?

But I have longed for true love every day that I have lived.
And I know real love is all about learning how to give.
So I pray that God will bring you to me.
And I pray you'll find me waiting faithfully.

Faithfully, I am yours.
From now until forever.
Faithfully, I will write.
Write you a love song with my life.
Cause this kind of love's worth waiting for.
No matter how long it takes.
I am yours.
Faithfully.

Tonight I saw two lovers kiss.
Reminded me of my own loneliness.
They say that I'm a fool to keep on praying for you.
How can I give up pleasure for a dream that won't come true?

But I will keep believing that God has a plan.
And though I cannot see you now, I know that He can.
And someday I will give you all of me.
Until I find you, I'll be waiting faithfully.

2009.

So I'm making a new years resolution that I'm gonna try my best to commit too. Over this last year, I haven't really been happy with how I've handled myself with things going on in my life. I have to realize every single person has struggles that bring them down, no matter how they make themself appear. I'm also jealous of the people who can have so much joy about life no matter what. And my resolution is to have more joy in my own life. Yes I'm gonna be going through really hard things that make an impact on me. That is something I don't have control over. However, how I deal with them is totally my choice. I'll get through rough moment by rough moment, and move on after. I won't let the games that satan has been playing on me alter my outlook anymore. I'm pushing his little strategies and lies away. This is my life, and I don't want to waste it on complaining about hard situations. So cheers to a joyful time filled with peace and laughter. :)